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Poverty in Japan

Recently, the subject of poverty in Japan came up, so, uh, let me tell you about my friend Emi. She’s a dancer. We’ll get around to the poverty in a minute. Don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere.

“Want to come to my flamenco performance?” she cooed. We were sitting on the riverbank drinking cans of malt liquor and watching the sunset. Emi does this thing with her eyes that makes every crazy thing coming out of her mouth sound like an excellent idea.

“Do I?” I blurted out. “In Japan? I thought they were only in Florida!”

“Those are flamingo, you dolt. Flamenco. Like the dance?”

“Oh.” I tried to hide my disappointment by downing half a can of Kirin. I have this thing for pink birds. Continue reading “Poverty in Japan”

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Going to Alcoholics Anonymous in Japan

There’s only two things you need to know about being an alcoholic in Japan. The first is why you’ll become one, and the second is how to cure your pickled ass. Fortunately for you, Ken Seeroi has already been there and back, so you’re covered in both departments.

So I recently quit drinking. This was a good idea, why? I’m still trying to figure that out. But okay, I mostly did it because I wanted to get into shape for bikini season. That’s where you as a hot girl wear a bikini while I lounge on the beach with a tallboy on my stomach ogling you. But since my board shorts were getting a bit tight in the old waistal region, I figured maybe I’d better knock off the cans for a bit.

Other good reasons I came up with for quitting booze were saving an amazing ton of money and uh, not dying. Continue reading “Going to Alcoholics Anonymous in Japan”

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Sleeping in Japan

Going out Friday night is great, because it’s like your weekend is three days long instead of two. That’s an extra 80%. I use math to make all important decisions in my life.

So late one Friday night, I found myself going to a club with Dave and Eri. Dave’s super-power is speaking English, which means that you can actually have a conversation with the guy. Eri’s super-power is drinking everything in sight and weighing 90 pounds, which means she falls down a lot. Continue reading “Sleeping in Japan”