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How Japan Made me Gay

I have Japan to thank for making me gay.  I’m pretty sure it did anyway, since it’s fairly dessicated my mojo.  I keep checking the mirror to make sure, and while I don’t look a whole lot gayer than before, the evidence is certainly mounting.  Like I woke up this morning, and instead of my usual manly breakfast of cold pizza, eggs, and coffee, I had yogurt.  Fruit yogurt.  Now, to be fair, Japan does have some really amazing flavors, like aloe yogurt, fig yogurt, mango . . . Ah jeez, I’m just glad my uncles aren’t around to see what I’ve become. Thank God they all passed away from a lifetime of bourbon and Lucky Strikes. Continue reading “How Japan Made me Gay”

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One Startling Trip to America

There’s only one word to describe my recent vacation to the U.S.:  Oh . . . my . . . God.  Ohmygod.

I went back for two weeks, or as we say in Japan, a fortnight.  That’s a long time when every waking moment is filled with The Horror.  By which I mean that between jet lag and culture shock, I feel lucky to have made it back to Japan at all.  When I finally stepped off the plane at Narita I teared up so much that I just hugged the first flight attendant I saw.  She happened to be from Korean Air, but I figured, eh, close enough.  They’re very soft too, those Koreans. Continue reading “One Startling Trip to America”