Why I Hate the Internet

For some peculiar reason, the universe decided to stop functioning exactly two days ago. After my latest article about The Best Japanese Website, many people had trouble reaching this site, including me. It was like somebody kicked the plug out of the back of the internet, so that instead of being greeted with my unique brand of deliciously shochu-fueled writings, there was a slightly less welcoming

Internal Server Error

followed by some gobbledygook about contacting some fictional server administrator somewhere. I promptly sent a polite email to my web-hosting company with the subject line “Yo what da eff?” and they sent me back a long and detailed explanation about shared server memory limits and how life’s hard and sometimes we have to deal with difficult things, Timmy. So that was real helpful.

Anyway, since I don’t know what else to do, I’m going to try deleting the previous post and see what happens. Sorry to everyone who left comments. They were all very funny and highly intelligent, if that makes you feel any better.

Then I’ll try re-posting the same article again. Maybe if I use fewer words or a black-and-white photo that’ll help, I dunno. Anyway, the internet’s kind of overrated anyway, is my feeling. Good old teletype, how I miss you and your sturdy ways.

And an Hour Later . . .

Well, okay, that didn’t work. Guess hating the internet is a bit foolish, like getting mad at your car for getting a flat, or your hot girlfriend just because she brings home an STD. Still, it looks like I’m going to need to work on this. Guess I’ll be ordering in Japanese Dominoe’s this weekend. Nothing a little corn-and-octopus pizza won’t fix.

16 Replies to “Why I Hate the Internet”

  1. Whew…..
    Guess the internet is kinda evil. Remember the good ‘oll days when instead of getting the information you need in seconds time you got to gawk at the glittering telly screen watching infomercials about this awesome ass-de-odor-spray thingy, because you had nothing better to do?
    I kinda do and despite everything it had its charms.
    The company’s mail sure cracked me up, “life is hard” they say :D. Does that qualify as an Japanese only comeback to an, “What the eff !?” mail?
    At any rate, glad you’re back and running Seeroi san.
    Have a great week!

    1. Yeah, the internet’s about the same as a plane trip. Like you’re in an armchair flying through the sky, watching a movie and having a pretty lady serve you cold beer and hot coffee, and somehow you manage to complain that the bag of pretzels is too small. But that’s exactly how I feel when a web page takes more than one second to load. It’s simply intolerable. Eh, must be a human thing.

  2. Ah, good analogy for the net. This brings us to the point that its too damned good of a thing and going without it is terribad at the very least.
    Being content and, dare I say it? Happy?! Is so out of fashion that its quaint. The brand new iPhone, Lexus, or even the awesome lady one’s been lusting over for a time all lose their halo eventually(like really fast! -.- ). Looking at what you said, you must be bloody irritated. Possibly even preparing a revenge operation vs your provider. I just wanna say that even if its hard to get to the web, I’m sure people are going to do the impossible, like waiting a few seconds more in order to read your site.

    1. Wait, you mean when I finally get the iPhone6 of my dreams and a hot Japanese wife that I won’t be forever happy? Ah jeez, if that’s the case I’ll just stick with my rotary phone and junior sumo-sized girlfriend. Built to last, and easy to carry around like a six-pack. The phone, I mean, of course.

      So yeah, I’m not super thrilled, but I guess this is one of those things that just happens, like stubbing your toe or falling off a balcony or something. Pretty much unavoidable, but still annoying.

    1. Super cash? That sounds fantastic. Okay, I installed it, so hopefully it’ll help a bit. Thanks for looking out for me.

  3. That happened to me a few times already, too.
    It just can happen when you use a shared hosting service. Recently it’s a bit better, but it always depends on what the other people are doing who use the same shared server. Unfortunately that’s out of our control.

    VPNs and stuff is too expensive – at least for me! 😉

    Glad to see your blog is back up, though. 😀

    1. Thanks, I’m still here, just a bit slow. Maybe if I pour a cup of coffee into my CD drive that’ll help. There’s pretty much nothing a little caffeine won’t solve.

  4. Ken,

    So Sorry mang, my bad. I know what happened to your site. Ya see, I’m on the NSA hit list and they’ve been messin’ wit’ cha, cause your my Pal. Don’t worry though UNLESS you have to come back to the states…. then you’ll have to get a full body cavity search, wear a locator bracelet on your ankle and pass a citizen’s refresher course or get audited for tax evasion (your choice)…. nuthin to worry about!

    Remember, just don’t say anything bad about Obama or the Democrats and don’t mention that guy (Name deliberately withheld) living in Russia that stole all those NSA secrets. FYI, It wouldn’t hurt to wear a global warming t-shirt on the plane too! USA – Land of the Freekin’ PC crazies and home of the brazen lunatics!

    1. Yeah, the whole NSA thing . . . Orwell saw it coming; he was just off by thirty years. It’s a concern now, but it’s going to become a lot bigger of a problem in the future. We’re only at the very start of an age when the government is able to track everything you say, everywhere you go, and every dollar you spend. It’s like if Billy Graham was your dad and he nailed all the windows shut so you couldn’t climb down the drainpipe.

      Well, whatever. We’ll all be taken over by giant humanoid robots soon anyway, so I guess enjoy what’s left of freedom while it lasts.

  5. Ahahahah.
    What I meant that its human nature to be forever greedy, and rarely appreciating the present often taking it for a given.
    Oddly enough every bloody time I overdo it with the drinks a tick in my brain goes off telling me to check your awesome site. Ain’t that weird?
    Hope winter is treating you well, also hope you wont have a hellish hangover tomorrow, unlike some silly bloke I know.
    Hurrah! Cheers!

    1. Funny you should mention that. I woke up this morning and was like, Ah Jeez, I feel like hell. What’d I do last night? And then I remembered that I just watched a Japanese drama, ate some fried squid, and went to bed. No booze.

      So I guess that’s proof positive that God hates me. Apparently I’m the only person on the planet who gets all the drawbacks of a hangover with none of the benefits of drinking. Guess I gotta start throwing in more change at the temple donation box. Apparently those 1 yen coins are no longer cutting it.

      1. Silly Ken,

        That sick feeling of a hangover minus the input stimulus of imbibed intoxicant (with the emphasis on toxic) is called Munchhausen Memory Syndrome where your liver has memory of the last thousand times you were drunk as hell built into it….. NO WORRIES, it goes away after the tremors and hallucinations stop or right before your pee goes below 10 proof!!

        1. Munch House syndrom? Sounds delicious. Definitely got that.

          So then I googled it, and learned that “the condition may be the result of . . .a personality disorder: a mental health condition that causes patterns of abnormal thinking and behavior.”

          So as always, you’re apparently right on the money.

          1. NO Shit, there really is a Munchhausen Syndrome? I thought I was making that up, musta heard it on TV. I actually took the name from that strange movie called “Baron von Munchhausen” with Robin Williams since he is my number one Alcoholic actor and BTW, there was a lot of crazy stuff in that flick (sorta reminded me of one long delirium tremor attack) . As Robin William’s once said: “There’s nuthin wrong with abnormal acting or thinking anyway, as long as you get paid well enough for it (and survive long enough to have a little fun with it)!! Stay Safe mi amigo!

            1. See Bud, you’ve got so much accumulated knowledge that it’s just starting to leak out without you even knowing it.

              And as we say in Japan, gracias. No worries for old Ken S. Seeroi. The S is for Safety.

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