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Rice. You’re Doing it Wrong

How to Make Rice, in 7 Perfect Steps

I’ve probably made rice a thousand times, maybe more. But most were before I moved into a house with a bunch of Japanese roommates and got my ass handed to me. That’s a very humbling experience, let me tell you. Like, here’s your ass. Thanks, been looking for that.

Ah, dinnertime in the kitchen. Such a happy time. Everyone chopping vegetables, boiling noodles, and filling the room with the fragrance of burning fish. That acts as Japanese Fabreeze for your clothes and hair.

I measured out some rice and water, and put it in a pot on the stove.

“Just like a gaijin,” scoffed one of my housemates, busily stirring a non-stick pan with a metal fork. Continue reading “Rice. You’re Doing it Wrong”

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How to Make Japanese Curry

Whenever Japanese people ask what your favorite food is, do everyone a favor and don’t say “sushi.” Because sushi is what they think you’re going say. It’s what they want to hear. But that’s like a black guy saying his favorite food is fried chicken. Now it may be—-who doesn’t like fried chicken?—-but if you’re black, you don’t say it. I don’t know why, since I’m white, but that’s just how things work. Continue reading “How to Make Japanese Curry”

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How to Use Chopsticks

I’d been in Japan for almost a year before somebody finally gave me an honest answer.

Now going back in time, funny story, I started using chopsticks when I was just a kid.  I don’t know why.  It’s not like my parents are secret ninjas or something.  I guess I just like challenges, or maybe I’m retarded or whatever, but anyway I started using them at a super young age.

My recollection is mostly that I couldn’t pick up a darn thing and my hand hurt like crazy.  Continue reading “How to Use Chopsticks”