Why I Hate the Internet

For some peculiar reason, the universe decided to stop functioning exactly two days ago. After my latest article about The Best Japanese Website, many people had trouble reaching this site, including me. It was like somebody kicked the plug out of the back of the internet, so that instead of being greeted with my unique brand of deliciously shochu-fueled writings, there was a slightly less welcoming

Internal Server Error

followed by some gobbledygook about contacting some fictional server administrator somewhere. I promptly sent a polite email to my web-hosting company with the subject line “Yo what the eff?” and they sent me back a long and detailed explanation about shared server memory limits and how life’s hard and sometimes we have to deal with difficult things, Timmy. So that was real helpful.

Anyway, since I don’t know what else to do, I’m going to try deleting the previous post and see what happens. Sorry to everyone who left comments. They were all very funny and highly intelligent, if that makes you feel any better.

Then I’ll try re-posting the same article again. Maybe if I use fewer words or a black-and-white photo that’ll help, I dunno. Anyway, the internet’s kind of overrated anyway, is my feeling. Good old teletype, how I miss you and your sturdy ways.

And an Hour Later . . .

Well, okay, that didn’t work. Guess hating the internet is a bit foolish, like getting mad at your car for getting a flat, or your hot girlfriend just because she brings home an STD. Still, it looks like I’m going to need to work on this. Guess I’ll be ordering in Japanese Dominoe’s this weekend. Nothing a little corn-and-octopus pizza won’t fix.