The way I figure it, jobs in Japan fall into seven categories:
1. High-level corporate
3. Sales and Recruiting
4. Teaching English
5. Washing dishes
Actually, I had seven in mind, but it was late at night when I started this and then I fell asleep on the floor with a glass of white wine and some Calbee’s potato chips, so I ended up typing something like 6. Mmmy handss are alllll greasy and 7. I’m sooo sleeepyzzzzz . . . So apparently now it’s only five. Maybe I’ll edit this later. Anyway, I’ve got a mess of tiny, tiny chips to vacuum up, so let’s not get stuck on the details. Continue reading “How to Get a Job in Japan”
It’s a funny feeling, being surrounded by a gang of cops, what with the yelling and pointing of guns and all. My first thought was, being shot to death on vacation’s gonna suck.
It’d started off well enough. Hidemi and I had breezed in from Haneda two days before. She’d wanted to go to California, but I was insistent we spend our vacation in Thailand, lounging on the white sand with a frosty Singha in one hand and a papaya salad in the other. Which would explain why we were lost in the suburbs of Los Angeles with a car full of McDonald’s wrappers, driving in circles.
“I told you to take the next exit,” she said. Continue reading “How Americans get Shot by the Police”
When I turned around from the chalkboard, there was chubby Mr. Kamei with his plump fist stuffed inside his waistband. We were in the middle of English 301 and he’d either developed one fearsome case of poison ivy in his pants or was masturbating like crazy. This is what it’s like teaching college in Japan. Continue reading “Are Japanese People Retarded?”
You’re gonna need a way bigger hat
All my life goals come from the internet. And so somewhere, in the ten minutes a day I spend surfing sites that don’t need to be immediately cleared from my browser, I stumbled upon the notion that studying 10,000 sentences was the one true path to learning Japanese. Next time, remind me to stick with porn. Hey, if it’s a question of going blind, I figure you’re much better off with a few pictures of enormous asses than two thousand tiny characters.
But anyway, here’s the idea: Continue reading “Your Brain on 10,000 Sentences”
I recently moved to a new apartment, my sixth since coming to Japan, and I couldn’t be happier. My first place left a wee bit to be desired, consisting of a dreary, small box with alternating views of a machine shop and a cinder-block wall. Well, at least it had two windows, so that was something. In the mornings, the smell of machine oil would mix deliciously with my scrambled eggs. Since then, I’ve been on a mission to consistently upgrade my living quarters.
So when I saw this latest spot, a corner room with a view of a park, I made a snap decision to move. Because Ken Seeroi’s a dude who believes in proactivity. Not that I ever actually get off my ass and do anything, but more in the sense that yep, proactivity does exist. Continue reading “Renting an Apartment in Japan”